spills

sometimes facts are facts

2012-01-25T22:54:00.001+08:00

Happy New Year 2012!

2011-12-27T21:40:00.001+08:00

OOPS..another year is here...didnt accomplish much last yr. guess i need to repeat the same new year resolution!

rantlers rant

2011-10-25T05:35:00.002+08:00

last night i saw something funny straight to my eyes..and the strange thing is developing that kinda feeling..that may not be a good sign...i'm trying...trying..

i think the reaction i got was kinda cool. just a smile. no words.. hmm..perhaps too much of a stranger still. need to have better bonding u supposed?

time should tell i'm guessing..

2 more weeks and i should be leaving for a job assignment in India..i should be there for 3 weeks..which can be pretty long.. no gym again for 3 weeks :(

going to be missing the classes much...sobs..and when i come back im gonna be rusty again... sigh.

the world is unfair

2011-09-25T00:10:00.003+08:00

no matter how unfair it is i think we still need strike a balance. let's hope this will happen..recently just went to Kampuchea and i feel so sympathetic to the people there....33% of the population is living under poverty line. Can you believe that?

and the driver who chauffled us around is just 28 yrs old. seems tourism is the best industry to be in in Cambodia. he shared with me that he does some programming and planning to earn some money to open a shop. looks like he is trying to save some money from this job and realise his dream. really 大财小用。。

all about me me me

2011-08-26T14:00:00.003+08:00

occasionally its good to sit down relax and ponder...

then take some time put on the thinking cap and..

think about ourself..

understand ourself better..

like this..

like how do i view myself..

like i view myself as down-to-earth and people like me because i'm so straight forward. i'm an efficient problem solver because i will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

Cons of being straight forward outweighs the pros i.e creating more enemies.

it also very much depends on people, whether they can accept nothing but the truth. so if we interprete it this way-people who hates me just dont seem to like the truth. they prefer to live in fantasy -- *bluek**

moody

2011-07-27T19:55:00.002+08:00

arrgh..just lose what i have penned down earlier. it makes my flame firing even more!

such a letdown

2011-07-26T23:13:00.002+08:00

i feel so cheated. we are basically framed. now stucked. stuck for 3.5yrs. the fact that the kickoff is cancelled is such a letdown. it actually demotivates if not all most of us. so what is so special of being in this program? other than working for IA and treasury what else?

i hate being told this and that but at the end of the day no promises. so what is special?

we have been given one word and until the day we die we must rmb which is PERFORM.

now we don't seem to have a choice since we have wet our pants. only thing is to perform and see what happens by end of this year. whether we get what we wanted.

like a few who has mentioned to me earlier...if things dont go well just throw, pack and go. might as well be it if things dont go well than suffer quietly.

i can be patient for another 4 months. time flies anyway..so we are anticipating...

so so bored! time for me to go home..just dont know when..need to see mum and dad..

oops

2011-06-24T01:18:00.002+08:00

just came back from a team event.. i have a feeling that it didn't go too well and feeling somewhat down... somehow i feel that the game was inaappropriate.. and will like to hear from them how did it go. and how we can improve from here...

2011-06-20T11:21:00.003+08:00

finally the time is approaching after living here in Tmn Desa for 3 yrs..time passed with just an eye blink. what was the accomplishments throughout.. not many but too little.

a new environment will be kicking off soon from next Friday onwards.. and right now i'm busy packing up in boxes and bags. equipping myself to move from this weekend onwards.

i started off with just my clothes and my PC and myself. now i have my table, book shelves and drawers, iron, hair dryer and other kitchen appliances.. that was 3 yrs..

what about 6 years? bet i will be having more and more...then thats when my condo will be ready for occupancy.

half year has gone past...i did achieve some of my resolutions but not well done. 6 more months to catch up and hopefully the fruit will bear soon..

how can time fly like an instant..perhaps just slow it down a little do better for all of us. in a way it does slows down global warming...and slows aging.. lol..

restless to the max when dealing with moo moo

2011-06-08T23:57:00.003+08:00

its always good to take a break from work for a while. it was relaxing and refreshing..a supposed regret has just reversed. good news aye..

recently i like to rant a lot to myself but not to blogs perhaps cus it more time consuming to type and proofread it and then publish it.

i don't quite understand why certain ppl can develop so much unnecessary thoughts when those are not needed whereas for those that are needed it never cross their minds. and to them can be done later on.. wth?

why the world is there such person on earth?
it was very tiring to talk to these kind of ppl. wasting my time and strength.
sometimes it feels so frustrated that i need to explode.

the best solution is out of sight, out of mind. and close one eye..whatever ppl say let's just keep quiet.
i may not even need to comment much when it doesnt make a difference when they don't listen... hate this very much!

arrghhh...

**********
my working hours are mad these days..may reach the extend where i wont even know how to define the right time to wake up and go to bed. only know what time i need to work.. funny isnt it..

i have been assigned a few audits now but the location is still in mystery. high chances i might go to HK/CN. let's see...so long im not going to india.. keep all fingers crossed.. yes ALL...

**********

it has been 3 yrs in the city life. living alone just like back then in uni. somehow it was quite a random thought i had recently that perhaps i should head back to pg. find a job there and spend more time with my parents. but is there somewhere that i can go to ? let's put this in the long term plan..

**********

got bombed

2011-05-06T19:01:00.002+08:00

need to learn not to take the blame over something that i'm not aware of. the fact that i went to apologise for something that i wasn't made aware off pissed me off even more.

communication flow in the team is not done properly. it is not a good start for me. i will do what i can and continue to practice what i have been practising today.

ensure to highlight to the people on the lack of communication flow. this is no good. not happy about it.

let's see how things goes. if i'm penalised or what come may, look for the last resort.

*******

i should be drafting out a new hope or rather to find them as a drive to keep things going..otherwise i may just waste my life. how many ten yrs do i have in fact. i'm going to fully utilise 30yrs in the next couple of years. and do not really see any achievement yet.

heart got shattered a few times, brain sick as well. all the emotional effects. time to change the lifestyle..and stay firmer. speak less listen more. be defensive when its the time to do so.

2 decades and 3 soon

2011-02-15T23:09:00.004+08:00

it shows how different things has turned to today... many years have passed. 10yrs came and went away. thinking back to those days back in high school seems like yesterday.

too used to the days with old habits.

need to change.. changes to come now

活到老，學到老

2011-02-01T13:32:00.003+08:00

learnt another lesson during the gathering with my high school friends on sunday.. the discovery moments..

i once thought of the same thing, however i didnt sort of enforce that. maybe because i thought it was only my thinking..so it could not be true. that night , it proves my thinking right.. i shall enforce that application movingforward. hopefully i'm on track always..let's see if tht theory proves to be right on me.

time to change.. and change for the better.

mirror mirror on the wall, tell me what are the steps to take moving forward

2011-01-02T17:26:00.004+08:00

on a beautiful sunday evening as i ponder, lying on my bed thinking of or shall i say flashing back those happenings in the past 1 year or at most a few years back. time flies big time. my youngest nephew is turning 14 yrs old.

all the dramas, songs, outrages, happy and upset moments. those that i have done or have not done (which i should have done it!)

i regretted doing something more than i did not if not all but most of the time. human tend to say this "if i know, then it would be such.." ya and i will make a fortune if i know.. the only person on earth who knows all and earlier more than anyone is "god". is god living on earth? verdict unknown :)

sometimes i do not explain things much to clear the air but that doesn't mean its my fault. i just dont like to say more than that. maybe cus i dont care. a good motto to practice will be "couldn't care more nor less"
but if im angry and the patience level reaches the maximum and there you go a big bomb coming your way..

i was browsing facebook a while ago and i found out something..or am i just being a good stalker- lol, however i wasn't able to find damien moore @ facebook. there were 10's of damien moores out there. *sobs* i'm not a great stalker afterall.. *winks*

after one year in hp, one of my team member decided to kick the gearstart in search for a career she likes doing. not quite sure if this is good news or bad news..in fact, we won't be very much affected if she were to say goodbye due to some underlying reasons that i'm aware of. shall see how things develop..

i was watching one of the tv show last night and i had a funny feeling. life is miraculously strange. or maybe just my life..i used to dislike this person so much because i think he just don't grab my attn for some reasons. but yesterday i actually found out that he is quite cute.

see? from someone whom i dislike gradually turns into a positive outlook. bizarre or not - maybe.

it takes a minute to know someone, but it may take an entire lifetime to forget someone. its because of the journey we walked through together that makes it so difficult to forget. no matter how long we have known each other. the process counts!

times are different now, although we may not be as close as we used to be buti know you'll be there during rainy days. i acknowledge and appreciate the friendship we have rendered :)

thanksgiving wishes may come too late but this is what i hope to share today..for the new year, joy and happiness that will be heading our ways.

thank you!

i could feel the remorse in me that maybe i could have done things differently. nevertheless, sometimes its better to make things sealed. it may be good for all of us. out of sight, out of mind is something that i couldn't agree more. the more sight it is, the deeper we dwell into the ditch. it gets deeper..2010 is a year in which i learnt most lessons. life lessons. and that things dont come one at a time. it will come before one or other ends. i was too weak to counter those challenges. i hope these lessons made me wiser. and its time to have a brand new headstart for the coming year.

my wishes to all my friends and families:

Good Luck and all the best to you if you have not found the one.
May you have a prosperous health and wealth year in 2011!

my resolutions?
1. Weight loss and maintenance
2. Lead a Stress Free and healthy lifestyle

Happy New Year 2011!!!

2011-01-01T12:01:00.000+08:00

Merry new year..may all of us have good health and wealth in this new decade

If you ask me what did i do in the past few days.

the answer would be => I have been watching dramas. I watched Lost Season 3 some other TVB dramas and not forgetting the sleep and eat cycle.

i've gained some weight of late. time to burn them out in this merry new year..

have been getting satisfying night sleep for the past few days as well. another obvious culprit of weight gaining.. hehe.

anyways..had a lot of thoughts last night. all of a sudden...is it time to change my job? i kinda feel bored now. thinking of what my manager told me in the last couple of weeks, i don't feel like having interest in the team. i wish i could just close my eyes and pretended it didnt happen. maybe i was just too sensitive. im quite sure it wasnt me :)

hmm..and really hope 2011 will be a fantastic year. something different compared to the past few yrs? at least a bit different i hope. something interesting has to come by by now...i'm turning ** y.o soon huh.. time flies big time.

Merry new year 2011

2010-12-31T21:30:00.002+08:00

wrapping up 2010..

may 2011 brings more joy and happiness.

wishing all with good health...

2010-11-13T19:01:00.002+08:00

need to learn how to produce more money..

and then can go to a few places for holiday a year..

and then can live an enjoyable life..

but does money really make people feel happy?

2010-10-23T22:48:00.002+08:00

is it difficult to find mr right? i think so...

i may have found one but may not be fated for me. and he could be taken..

absence makes the heart grow fonder...but absence doesnt make me grow fonder..it actually makes me forget.

out of sight...out of mind :)

If we ever meet again..

2010-08-03T22:01:00.003+08:00

I'll never be the same again.....

3 months have passed. things have somewhat changed. stabilised now, still kinda busy at work with many projects.

my next trip is scheduled to be in another 22 days. quite excited if not very :) am heading to hanoi for a 5 days 4nights trip with colleagues.

past one week. i do not quite rmb what my thoughts were. it could be evolving around the mess. not in talking terms since last 2 sundays and maybe just should let it be..

i have been wondering for close to 2 weeks now.. is it so difficult? so difficult to express? or it could be that there is none that's why too difficult to be expressed.

but why did he have to sing me a birthday song?

i feel sorry i forgotten to wish him on his birthday; i thought of giving something else i return but i do not have the chance to.

i used to think he loves me. I accidentally found that he ain't that sure after all..

so the verdict? => Let it be ... it shall be.

business cycle

2010-05-17T22:09:00.003+08:00

so as business are to run in cycles from peak to trough via the upswings and downswings.. so as anxiety..

they too run in circles. the cycle return and i am experiencing the process.

well..i think i should be optimistic. some important changes needs to be done rightaway. before things get out of control.

i think i need to change my lifestyle. revisiting each and every parcels of it and come out with a new plan.

wish me luck and i shall be drawing out a plan real soon..

porky pork night

2010-04-25T22:03:00.003+08:00

just return from dinner at Ribs Oasis. tneh had a big fat bonus credited into his bank account. a whopping 6.5months. and he treated us for dinner.

took some pics and should blog about it soon. i hope.

sometimes i feel like blogging but i do not have anything to fuss about so eventually i didnt blog. for some reasons recently i have been procrastinating..which is not something good.

at work as well as my blog too.. 2 of them all in an almost abandoned state. sad but true.

i do feel guilty over what i have done. because i learnt a lot of lessons in the 1st half of 2010. maybe the first 4 months of 2010-not exactly first half yet. its not good to be selfish but if i dont treat myself good who will?

so the verdict is this "be good to ownself before being good to others-learn to be more selfish"

if i don't love myself who will? it is as though the year of 2010 is when i'm facing my qtr life crisis. i'm a qtr life already assuming i can live up to 100years of age.

quite lost, side tracked a bit, upset, stress and anxious-was how i felt.

today - have not find the right way but on the path, on track, neutral, stress less and more relaxed.

this should be the way it is i guess.

on another note; i was quite in an outrage on Friday. comparing with the last few outrages i think this time the rage is slightly smaller.

i told him off once again. i lost count on how many times i told him off. it has already reached the stage where all the nonsense from him has to come to a halt. i no longer wish to hear or see all those non making senses conversations or statements.

such a relief...i'm glad.

now i need to pray hard for the referral bonus to come in. *pray* *pray* i need to be back to budget surplus.

similarly gym on Tuesday too

2010-04-06T22:58:00.003+08:00

sometimes i find it strange for a person to get hungry at 5pm.

it happened to me today...don't know for what reason i was feeling that way.

so as a result i had my dinner at 6pm. then head the gym at 7pm.

a very slow mo cycling session on my own for 20mins before the RPM class.

today i think the instructor is having a good mood; compared to the first time i went he was super cool and quiet. as though someone stepped on his tail like badly?

today? he is totally different. can even dance on the floor.. hmm..

anyway in case u think why am i bringing up this topic.

I found him CUTE. hehe...

*PERIOD*

i made my own 木瓜牛奶 today. i bet if you make your own you will never want to try those selling outside.

Recipe is simple: 1 cup of lowe fat milk and 1 cup of papaya-(of course you need a blender) That's it and serves you a rich, creamy and sweet cup of papaya milk. If you think it mayb a little too bland you can add some honey.

my tastebuds bears the blandness of some food and beverages. So it tastes just nice to me :)

full with nano happy endorphines now..

i think i should head to bed already since i will be appearing in office tomorrow.

but im too excited and active to knock off to bed...

gym every monday

2010-04-05T21:34:00.003+08:00

just back from Body Balance and had a real late dinner.

now am full..and sleepy.

i woke up at 9++ this morning, duno for what reason i need to sleep more and more hours. something is wrong.

but duno where.

and today was not any ordinary busy day. too free to be true. just need to approve a deal and that's it.

am fearing that i will be become lazier and lazier day after day... this is not good..

Confession

2010-03-21T15:37:00.003+08:00

my off cycle adjustment has been approved and it will be reflected in my month end payroll effective March 2010. It is a XX% increment.

i was told that if i can keep up the good work and maintain my performance surely i will go very far.

the question now lies in this=> do i want to go far? how far?

can i afford to go further at the expense of my health and time? this is what that stresses me.
my new yr resolution is to work less than 45 hours a week. i believe by doing what i have to do is good enough. i do not have to overleap to reach the 100% or 102%. 80% is good enough.

there has a been a lot to think about these days. and i have chose now to think less. or not to think at all.

there is a saying which I or most of us should believe in. do not worry over something which is yet to happen. dwell with it only when it comes.

the moment i start to think the stress came. who doesnt want to lead a carefree life? in reality life is full of suffering. why not choose to live happily when things dont arise and when it happens then let's face it. spend time doing something else rather than occupying one's mind with all the nonsense. worry something which is yet to happen and ended up having a life which is full of worries...

life is sad enough to have so much ups and downs...let us choose to live the best out of it and dont waste our time on having too much thoughts and worry something which may or may not even happen.

i know it is easier said than done.. but we will have to try

i have began to realise that

LIFE IS SHORT

we only live once. Human are fragile beings. For tht matter i have always told everyone tht i think Life is LONG. I proved myself wrong now and i am glad.

and today i finally found the courage in me to seek for forgiveness from all those people whom i have met, whom i have offended whether intentionally or unintentionally.

"I'm Sorry, and I sincerely apologise"

to Steven - i know you love me. i admit that i wanted to know why and how much you love me. i realised that this is not measurable. i also admit how i develop too much thoughts thinking of to be with you. thinking on how would people judge me if i were to be with you, also worry on how this relationship will last because i'm such a perfectionist. also occupying myself with the worries on your career as oppose to mine as well as the status; financially.

one thing important to highlight and will be good if you are reading this - i have finally overcome the matter on our age difference. the rest of the remaining factors are all mentioned in the above. i needed more time to digest.

i was feeling upset because i've thought so much of it. and as a result i'm unhappy and stress out. let's just stay put and if we are happy at the current state then let's continue to strive for the best.

finally..done and over with.

2010-03-19T11:37:00.002+08:00

hellooooo blogger!!!

i'm back and make it frequent..and keep the ball rolling i hope.

just 2 days ago a thought came to me all of a sudden. i have not been blogging (weekly like i used to do) for the past few months since august because of those underlying reasons.

i'm sure you can name it.

Now its already coming to end of March. hoping that its not too late to set a new year resolution.

1. Work less than 45hours a week.
2. Attend yoga classes 2 to 3 times a week.
3. Go for outdoor activities during the weekends.
4. Read a book once in a month.
5. Relax and Get Enough Beauty sleep.
6. let me think....

my fitness reading

2010-02-20T20:53:00.001+08:00

Fitness (7 - 13 Feb)

Gemini
Gemini’s weakness is the lungs, so make sure that you practise deep breathing. Unfortunately, this means you have a hard time shutting off your thoughts and relaxing. The next time your mind is racing, slow down with a yoga class and this will also help with your lungs. If you’re not seeing the fitness results you’d like, satisfy your analytical side by keeping a fitness journal to assess your exercise habits.

SO VERY TRUE!!

2010-02-14T18:49:00.001+08:00

Happy CNY and V-Day!!!

wonderful sleep

2010-02-09T18:31:00.002+08:00

i had a wonderful time sleeping last night. its been long since i last had such a peaceful sleep.

happy happy................

i went for acupunture yesterday- that was the 2nd time. the needles are at least 2 inches long. i have not seen them. only had them on on my back.... for 15 mins.

the feeling was just like ant bite. i'm serious :)

also went for the bottles treatment. lit fire on bottle and place it on one's shoulder. the duration is 5 mins. once done i have a lot of circles on my back. most of them are DARK circles... shows how unhealthy i am..... scary..need to get rid of all the toxic in my body..

this is the health and body maintenance phase. not sure if i have enough sessions before going back to KL.

in the event it wasnt enough then i shall be back in penang again in April :)

this year CNY is slightly different...why? Valentine's Day fall on the 1st Day of CNY. That we could name it double happiness. but CNY comes first definitely...

this is the 3rd week after the last sight. there are 2 more full weeks before packing back to the city. then i do not know how many weeks more to count down. i do not have control and do not want to gain control. maybe its best just to let it flow on its own and let the time tell us what is the best next step to take.

on another note..some people in my company are getting increment this time for offcycle adjustment. why did i say some? its hard to believe that although one is a finance staff but if their HC are sponsored by business they are not considered finance; in conclusion no salary adjustment for those ppl.

I AM ONE OF THEM!

I SEE now how unfair the world can be....how much effort has been rendered and yet the return is not minimal. It is NONE.

sad to say this but this is what that is happening...

lessons to learn in life

2010-02-05T22:55:00.004+08:00

There are many if not a lot.

We learn as we go through our lives. After all that has happened i understand myself more. I did not believe it when i was once told im a perfectionist. Someone whom i know for not so long ago. i think i'm in my qtr life crisis now...

And then recently i've been to a few parties and was told something along those lines.
It may not be the way i was brought up. Just maybe how i have been telling myself what to do and what not to do. And to do it means 100%.

This is not wrong. But there is nothing in the world that is perfect.

I was chatting on msn with a friend.

me: wah 50% only pass. i cannot achieve another 50% already

friend: i din ask u achieve 100%

me: hahaha

friend: 70-80% lol

when he replied me "i din ask u to achieve 100%", it is as though sometime struck my mind.... oh man...i'm still thinking of 100%. only perfectionists think that way.... 80% or even 90% is good enough..we do not have to go all the way to 100%. It is not doable but it may or may not be perfect? (up to judgement)

after all these past few days it was as though i woke up from my dream.. the perfect world...i want to fall back on the 70% to 80% world...i hope i am not too late.

I'm AWAKE NOW...

and i need to adapt to it because afterall "The world is NEVER PERFECT"

Change is a good thing....change for the better.

*********

it's good to also learn not to hire someone via phone interview. Always need the FTF interaction to read the body language. At least 2 rounds of screening will do good.

Its always easy to get someone in but its almost imposibble to move them out; unless they resign.

yesterday i finally spoke to my manager...blurted out all the concerns that i may have. it was such a relieve but i will have to give her time to speak to that woman and give that woman time to improve on.

it was used to be 3 of us who handle all escalations. one left. 2 of us left and pulled thru a lot for the past 4 months until help finally came when she hired 2 extra headcount to help on the escalations.

in total there are 4HDs. the plan is for my other colleague to be moved out from the SP so that she can focus on her LP. And i will be leading the 2 new HDs. I do not have any issue working with one of them but that WOMAN. its a disaster when i'm put into a team with her.

the mystery was resolved yesterday when my manager told me she was a team lead in her ex company leading 4 other analysts. upon joining our team she sort of like downgraded i supposed (being led by myself and another colleague.) well... like it or not you may be a team lead in your past experience but since you have ZERO pricing experience. then sorry you have to listen to us. both us are aware we are not a team lead or watsoever. she chose selective hearing and disrespect both of us given who we are- an analyst who has a few yrs of experience who is not even a team lead and now needing to guide her who WAS a team lead.

seriously hiring someone like this is a major problem to both of us. i could not foresee how i can work with her on a day to day basis. 8 hours a day when i see her more often than i see my parents. its either she leave or i leave. the best resort is to transit all jobs over to them both and start looking for a job internally. in the event if that can't happen last resort leave the company.

In short the traits of that WOMAN is
-disrecpectful
-act smart
-VERY dependant (like to be spoonfed)
-not alert
-no initiative
-rude(bad body language and rude tone when she speaks)
-calculative
-no team work
-irresponsible
-childish

It may be surprising to find out SHE IS A 30Y.O WOMAN WITH A 2Y.O KID. Having those traits above seems like a TEENAGER; freshly baked from the OVEN.

unfortunately it is not.....

deep thought

2010-02-04T12:47:00.002+08:00

been to Taiwan...back for almost 5 weeks. done that. overjoyed..

upon return food poisoning, emotional breakdown, stress....

this cycle has been revolving since last yr. guess now its serious already and it has to be stopped.
family-career-relationship-financial matter. it needs to be solved one by one.

career matter - no longer need to deal with tht woman. DONE. Pending the off cycle adjustment.
relationship - he loves me or he loves me not still bare. strange guy he is...
family - health and wealth all intertwined in this category to be solved as time goes by.

just need to relax stay focus and will be able to pull it thru.....

hopefully....

most recent

2009-12-01T12:07:00.004+08:00

was on the line with my manager...

she has informed me that my promotion has been approved. in fact i already knew because last Thursday i received an email from HR on this subject matter.

on $$ adjustment she will be submitting to the HR for an off cycle increment approval. whether or not what the outcome is going to be. come in 6 months time i will reconsider if this is the right way im moving on.

for now i shall be on this track and see how things flow... there are reasons for me not to leave. there are more reasons for me to leave.

another added on role has been assigned to me now. i will be representing my team to gather feedback on how the workforce feel about the organisation. actually this is a good "mini project". it helps on networking and gaining visibility from the director.

i shall be back in focus i think. at the same time lazy cus i can't wait for the long awaited taiwan trip.

Taiwan i'm coming!!!

right after Taiwan its back to business another new year NEW RESOLUTION. i have not set my new resolution yet though....time to put on a thinking cap and keep the ball rolling...rolling fast!

so..so what?

2009-11-29T22:10:00.002+08:00

it is now made official that i'm promoted.

with a limitation where there are no $$$ adjustment.

the promotion is to officiate the job level that i'm supposed to be at.

i'm giving myself 6 months more in this job to decide the next step. when i told my friend that there are no increment he told me that i can prepare to throw the *letter*

6 months it is.

the new hire will be joining this coming Wednesday and another in 2 weeks time. we shall monitor how things will change.

relationship wise.i have made myself clear enough to him so its up to him already. i don't know what can i do anymore.

action speaks louder than words

2009-11-25T12:23:00.002+08:00

it is proven to be right.

but all actions are to be taken at the right timing. having said that, seems like the timing is not right.

i think i had too high an expecatation. so much so that it actually make others around me feels small.

i was in the state of shock when i saw the few lines that appeared on my chat window. in fact they are true. fair enough...

what was done is now done. i have no power to reverse it. let's move it on and time will tell.

life as it is

2009-11-22T11:59:00.002+08:00

life....life....life.... what is it all about?

i once was told "love is what evolves the world around"

and so we have the love of our friend, the love from our family, the love from our other half and what else?

is it only love? i doubt so..there are sorrows as well. there are no one side of everything. there are the good side and the bad side of it.

don't know if i should act now..or shall i wait slightly longer? weigh all sides of everything before a decision?

perhaps so..

lost without a cause after giving it all

2009-11-08T12:04:00.002+08:00

it isn't the first time and it won't be the last time.

so it really is up to me to think of the next step that should be taken to mitigate future events from repeating...

i think i know what i should do from now....need to hold on to this and never go off track.

everything happens for a reason

2009-11-01T21:45:00.005+08:00

this could be the arrangement.. the destiny. and its fated.

the flame was accidentally lighten up this morning..so much so that i reacted in such a way. the way that i don't know how to describe and the follow up scenes. funny it is. oh wells it not the first time and it really is up to me to end it. maybe i should stop doing silly things. something which is not worth even for an outrage. it wasn't an outrage really. was calm and cool. just need to ignore. tht's it!
most of the time i wonder why is this happening and i'm letting it repeat. maybe im too nice a person and that's why i have been taken advantage of. should i be a lil bit harsher? meaner? am i not mean or harsh enough?

i think i'm just a STUPID and SILLY lass.

*PERIOD*

just got back from penang today..4 hours of driving. ever since i started travelling frequently it seems as though the journey from KL to Penang gets shorter. it's not so far after all. so far yet so near..

Your Daily Horoscope: November 1, 2009
Gemini
One of your friends could spoil your fun today, Gemini. This little incident could help you arrange, or at least focus on, your priorities, which could use a little shuffling or improvement. In fact, there could be an argument as the result that makes you wonder why this relationship exists at all. The best thing to do though, is to stay quiet about your plans for the future, and allow your friends to dominate the conversation. You'll have a lot of fun, and quickly gain perspective on whether you are rising or sinking to the level of your peers.

currently playing: Better in Time by Leona Lewis

Love is like wildflowers...it is often found in the most unlikely places.

2009-10-18T17:22:00.004+08:00

today's fortune cookie message from facebook....

just came back from a hairdo. very short and thin and fresh. in the sense it's a new style. seems weird at the same time. haha..

just ate Penang Laksa..its been long since i last had it. delicious!!

2009-10-16T23:30:00.002+08:00

i have just done something really bad..
feel like elaborating more but then i'm feeling really sleepy now.
besides i need to wake up early tomorrow to drive home sweet home.

i shall continue tomorrow night when im back @ home

it feels really bad being rejected....but i can't help it cus if i dont do it now then when things roll in too deep i am in a trouble

another down

2009-10-14T23:41:00.002+08:00

finished reading another book from Adeline Yen Mah - Chinese Cinderella

it took me approximately 5hours to completion.

i think to read this book then followed by Falling Leaves will be a better sequence. Falling LEaves seems to be a spoiler for Chinese Cinderella. (spoiler-correct usage?)

ahha..oh wells i dont quite enjoy chinese cinderalla like i said spoiler :)

im 1/3 of PS I Love You by Cecilia Ahern. Hope i can finish it soon and continue with another book. Recently seems that im very keen in reading. i have no idea why the suddent urge. for the benefit of it..let's keep it going....

or maybe im too stress? and bored with my life? with all the happenings that i need some fantasies? it could be true..

till then..

currently playing : 蒲公英的約定 by Jay Chou

time to call it a day

2009-10-13T23:55:00.002+08:00

it is now 11.50PM and i'm still awake...bedding time is due very soon. just thought that i shall blog something before i go to bed.

today is another day where 1 person covers 3 person. to be honest i don't know how long i can stand this. there is so much to do until i have no time to breathe. can let me breathe for a few days please?

i left work at 6pm today and went to the gym. continue with my work when i reach home. what is this you will be thinking? no big deal i think compared with my friends who need to work until 3 or 4am in the morning. i should be thankful already isnt it?

anyways...

it was detached and now reattached. when it was detached it felt so much of a relieve. NOW back to that state of attachment. how to peel it away? can i take it as though its a face mask in which i can peel it off as when i like it? sigh..

so much things that is happening these days..and there is one problem to solve. which i have no idea how..i think someone out there could has misunderstood that i am giving someone a chance. i did not agree or deny but that doesnt mean i agree right? silence is NEVER consent. at least to me. i dont wish to hurt anyone and to rub it in deeper for that someone. but i really have no idea how to deal with this person. aih..

please enlighten me...

currently playing: Poker Face by Lady Gaga 1050 play counts and still counting...

tonnes of work to be done.

2009-10-10T00:33:00.004+08:00

just got back from eurodeli..not very fantastic. i still like hurricane's pork ribs. The food are salty. the gravies are normal. nothing great to be boasted about. those are 2 cents of my opinion. 5 mains comes to a total of MYR208 for 4person. i think i wouldrather go to Jogoya for their buy 1 free 1 treat.

recently life has been hectic. was sick beginning of the week. today...like now i feel very tired but i still have work to be done. in which i think i can only do it tomorrow. hmm...life's hard isnt it?

a bit more challenging now...1 person to cover 3 person's work..ahah. in away efficent but if you see it the other way overworked!anyways this is not going to last long. when more resources comes in. hoping the increment be good this coming review and if there can be bonuses for us? bling needs $$$ to enjoy life. been having hard time in the recent months. bling needs to go holiday and go on LEAVE!

something has been hindering my mind recently...why must god make someone i dont like to like me when the person i like like another person? why must god make these things so complicated? sigh..don't know how to deal with this. shall i move a step when i see a step? maybe this is the best solution....?

obstacles in life are many if not little

2009-10-06T15:01:00.005+08:00

exactly one month after my last post.

there were a lot events that has taken place in the past 4 weeks. be it family matters or career and health and needless to say sometimes involves $$.

i was unbelivably stressed out 2 weeks ago for 2 weeks. day after day worried over certain things that have or have not taken place.

have not been attending gym for the past 4 weeks. i got so stressed up to the point of the deterioration in my health.

now that its over i'm glad i'm still alive. obstacles in life come after another. be it a huge one or tiny came by without any sign and there it is.

today i so called have my full day having rest and relax. its been long since my last private moments. today it is the day. i know that if i dont rest enough now i wouldnt be able to overcome any new challenges coming my way. the leaps and bounds to pass through before achieving the goals. honestly, sometimes i will stop for a moment and think of what are my goals. what am i looking for in life?

so far i'm still happy as i am but i duno where am i heading to. Do i lead life as i am now since i'm happy? there's how many 10yrs in one's life? not much. I've past 2 10yrs. I'm now half of another....once its over its over and there is not turning back.

did i miss out anything now?

i was chatting with a friend whom we have not seen each other for a year if i'm not wrong. speaking on how we should keep our options wide open. even if we are to stay loyal to a person who we like we'll have to let go. although it takes time but things still need to go. the verdict is to get things over and done with.

life are complicated to the extent where even if we keep our options wide open things dont seem to be how we expect them to be. for a few days i was so afraid. a friend of mine- he told me "love is blind, you can't stop me from loving you"
i dont understand why he use the word "love". it is such a powerful word to use.

i have a question in mind. why do we like someone whom they dont have the same feeling in return but there's someone out there who has feeling for us when we dont feel the same?

can things come much more simpler? when can we stop knocking on the wrong walls before finding the right door to the right path?

PERIOD**

I have today (at home) enjoying my private moments blogging in my fav sometimes abandoned blog due to my crazy and mad schedules at work.

I managed to finish reading "Falling Leaves by Adeline Yen Mah"

Its a an autobiography of Adeline Yen Mah based on true stories of an unwanted daughter in a Chinese Family.

There are at least 5 books in the queue. I'm resuming the rest of my time today reading "PS I Love You by Cecilia Ahern"

after gym * :)

any upsets

2009-09-06T20:52:00.002+08:00

the answer is No now..

it wasn't that deep for me to be upset though..

i'm very darn sure that i'm very scared now. afraid of something that may happen in which i don't wish to see it happen.

haih..don't know what else can i say about this.let it be at the moment.

hopefully it was just a joke. a lame one. and not something serious....

started my diet since yesterday..should let this go on for a few weeks until i'm back to my *actual* weight.

*tada*

nothing but the truth..

2009-09-02T12:45:00.001+08:00

my colleague wrote me this....

人生不是只有工做而已
但一个人走到迷失的是后
你可以回头想一想
这个世界是多麽的美好
侯****
人生长长的一短路
工做的烦恼是很难逃避....

不知道如何继续下去

2009-08-27T20:20:00.003+08:00

wah i got a shock of my life...when i saw the bills. guess i will need to puasa this month.

anyways..not the center of the story today. whether i like it or not the $$ has been spent. just need to bear with it and get it done and over with.

i should be able to pull this thru...
was chatting with a friend via msn just now. how i wonder things in this world will turn into.

life complicated as it is..

her case is like a guy likes her but she has no feelings over him at all. not even a single bit. and she was saying that sometimes when thay guy treats her too nice she is afraid. afraid he may gone too deep and eventually will hurt himself not physically but mentally at least.

was just telling her when someone likes her she should appreciate him but condition change when she dont even have even a single feel over him. sad right? how good it is when things happen mutually but when there is only one hand i.e one party then we dont hear claps.

and another story is both parties have feelings over each other but one of the party is not ready? i guess so..or i think one party could have too much thoughts. weighing on both hands which is a better thing to do? maybe we have too much thoughts at times?

not sure how things will go and if we make the right move? its not wrong to think thoughtfully but when it was overly done then its kinda draggy...

maybe you want to know how i feel now?
i'm feeling very restless actually. also feeling very stressed. physically, emotionally and financially.

i spent a bomb this month. my credit card bill $$$ goes to XXXX
i slept less this month. (expect myself to wake up at 5.30am and appear in the office at 7.45 when i put myself to bed late) even my friend realised that. i have never had this kind of experience before. not even when i was back @ my first job.

i started to have dark circles

i've gained weight

i have more work to do moving forward. (means from this month onwards)

someone in my team is leaving. bear in mind there are only 3 of us in the team who has so much to do. and when she leaves 2 of us is going to do that amount of more work and work...cus there are a lot of shit coming.

not done..my manager have not found someone as her backfill.

job related already overload but that is not enough. we have in our new office setup the global processes of knowledge transfer , process documentation and etc. Honestly, i found it very very annoying. we have so much activities in COE (just FYI our office is called COE: Center of Excellence). then they will be asking ppl to join as committee do this and that and that and this. not done. ample meetings to attend. soft board presentations to the new hires every wednesday. i always ask myself if this presentation is necessary even? can we do it on a monthly basis instead?

urrghh...please teach me.. give me some insights. how do i continue the journey.......

24 hours a day seems not enough for me. i have forgone friday nights to my job. now i have to forgo my tuesday nights and my gym sessions; (i may need to forgo at the meantime?)

i'm very tired of all this...sigh man.
i need help.......

2009-08-20T22:00:00.000+08:00

oh gosh..feeling sleepy at ungodly hours..not a good sign..

annoyed and ignored..no good.

wonder why

2009-08-19T21:08:00.002+08:00

yesterday i was out with a colleague for dinner. to my great surprise i was told about this rumour. three "huh's"

cus the rumour does sound funny. but need validation....so this morning i went to the office to validate the truth out there...out there somewhere.

i'm really surprised to know how some ppl can boast and make up stories to the extend of non existence to existence. so much so that i think they are scary ppl out there whom we shall all beware of.
bizarre ppl with bizarre stories. they may not seem what they are..when its non working hours there all the gossips surface.

are they behaving in such a way because they are born to be like that? due to aging? or they are too free and have nothing to occupy their time?

i wonder....although i'm not one of the one involved here but i think they are a bit too overboard. crossed the line. also wondering what are the benefit to them by doing this? to soothe their heart? or enjoy the excitement to fulfill their emotional hunger?

that shall reveal by themselves... don't know what they are trying to prove.

just need to beware as always... when i first joined there were only 40 of us. Now there are 175 of us to date. more lively and crowded and more stories...

anyways...it will go away someday. wish i can move somewhere else and not sit in that danger zone. not affected but don't feel like looking at them straight to the face. sien..

and so my cameron trip is coming this weekend. that done i will be heading straight for home for 2 weeks. I can foresee how time flies and 2 weeks with a glimpse it will be over.

my horoscope of the day is hinting me that there will be lotsa work coming my way. my team lead in sg had tendered her resignation and will be leaving in 3 weeks time. in the interim all the work will flow to both of us who are based in CJ. so do you think the horoscope is reliable?

the storm is coming and things will be a lil more hectic when the end of FY comes in October. fingers crossed.we will pull this through....

so how?

2009-08-17T22:24:00.003+08:00

what can be done now?

anyone can give me an answer?

no one it seems.

the answer seems to be coming from me instead. let it be...see how things flow.

it will finally find its way home.

was feeling very dissappointed this afternoon after hearing the speech. it was no big deal but i just felt that way.

and came to find out that my team lead who is based in singapore will be leaving HP. apparently all her tracking work will flow to my load.

stressing big time now. it adds on to my current workload. i already don't have my friday nights and now it flows to weekends.

ya..it's fun. as if.. it's never fun.

i wonder how things will turn to next month.....i dont dare to imagine.

sigh...

current song playing : Collide by Howie Day

spilling..

2009-08-13T18:48:00.002+08:00

sometimes its good to have someone right next to you when shit happens...

you know like a shoulder to rest on? sometimes i do feel tired to deal all things on my own.

i was in a state of shock this morning when i saw my car standing on 3 wheels. it has gone off balance.

i had to walk back to the condo and leave all my things and go to the nearest tyre shop for help. but to no avail...the shop only open at 9am.

i went to the nearest police station to file a report and had to go over to the main police station in brickfields to record a statement. and im driving with my spare tyre without a spare tyre.

spent the rest of the afternoon looking for an original rim for my car. to my dissappointment i wasnt able to find it. i had to get back to the perodua original dealer for one. that costs MYR350.

so damn no mood today... i am a few hundred bucks poorer today. why must this happen to me?
sigh...

i was feeling so upset just now after all that has happened and there is no shoulder for me to lie on..... so restless. undescribeable state...

but i have a bunch of friends who care for me.. thankful that i do have friends like them. i'm feeling better now...

thank you very much..

but that doesnt mean im done with this problem.. have to be back to reality. need to get this problem solved ASAP!

i think i need to go and chill and drink some alcohol..need to release already....i cant stand it anymore!

the truth

2009-08-12T22:18:00.002+08:00

is out there.......

its for me to know and for someone to find out.

sometimes its hard for us to believe in the truth. but when it comes..it comes...no matter how we react it happens.

maybe i don't understand myself well enough. what i want and what i need. am i losing something now that i'm halfway through?

sometimes i do hate myself...for reacting foolishly...giving silly answers. and also sometimes how i see things..

as sometimes i see them but hang one in within a min i dont see it anymore.

"now you see it; then you don't"

exactly how that is...now i may see it; tomorrow i may not.

its a game that is not nice to be involved in. sometimes i think it is but to think of it deeper it may not be. sigh..i also don't know what's going on... :

*zips up her mouth and brain*

*rolls on her bed*

zZzZzZzzzzz....

turning upside down

2009-08-11T18:36:00.002+08:00

am in a very bad mood today...feel unwell but duno what went wrong..

something wrong somewhere but dont know where that kind you see?

坐不是站不是睡不是

and so i decided to call it a day early and back home straight.

was watching this drama and one of the dialogue was this

"爱一个人不容易"

and i do agree.

最好是不要想太多。要不然会很辛苦。。

replay..

2009-08-05T23:46:00.003+08:00

could i be thinking too much? i hope yes. shouldn't let things roll too deep. otherwise i will be trapped once again....

follow the flow and let it be....

yes..that shall kick in.

otherwise i will be very tired dealing with all these.

i'm so upset that i can't update my blog regularly these days. what was going on man..i have no idea. *Sobs*

currently playing : *poker face*

can't read my, can't read my, no he can't read my... "Poker Face"

is this an emo night?

2009-07-13T20:38:00.003+08:00

i'm down with fever again...i guess it started on saturday. had some panadols and it was well controlled i guess.

no doctors available ytd after 1pm...so the best i could do is bear with it and wait until this morning?

and yes i went to see the doctor this morning. the advice is to try the medication and see if it reacts positively..otherwise it will most probably gravtitates towards tht direction and you shall see me in the hospital already...

even though i 'm on MC today i have to work. no backup because i'm the backup :)
that's life huh?

anyway..i was browsing through all the pics i took for the past few years....so much have changed. come December 2009, i have left uni for 4 full years. come March 2010 i have been in the workforce for the full 4 yrs.

4 years...never thought i would ended up working in Hewlett Packard. and never ever thought of ended up working in KL. shock but true.. never ever imagine how i will transform to become who i am today. having good life? i guess so far so good. enjoying life? can be much better i think. found anyone? guess this is the number question you would want to find out? wait till he appears :) you got my answer? ahha..

i think tonight seems to be an emo night for me.. it doesnt rain though. but the rhythm is on.

i always think if i could turn back time. i would have done better?
can i change the ending?
as i grow older...i think i become more timid.
i am/was very brave. my friends who know me would know how brave i can be. :)

but i think im not going to do the same thing again... too bored, its time wasting and pointless.
up to that extend. the only thing that we can do is to let things be sometimes. i always believe time will tell. i managed to prove that right many times before.

i've seen too much of it. bored of it and i couldn't care more or care less. i think i should close one eye....

2009-07-09T21:41:00.002+08:00

how's life lately?

feel guilty of not being able to blog as frequent as i used to last time..no more such privileges.
i have so much to blog about especially my recent food getaway and my experiences....just need to squeeze some more time in for this.

lately have been kind busy with work and stuff. the rest of the things remain pretty much same old i guess..

3 weeks ago i went for a paintball game with my colleagues..this is also yet to be blogged?? hehe....

the upcoming one will be a BBQ party by the poolside downstairs :) with my colleagues as well.

think i need to get back an update my foodblog. *squeezing some time over* ;)

2009-06-21T17:56:00.003+08:00

to my great shock i have not blogged for a month now...
i have a lot to blog about but i just have not enough time. after work gym..then sleep. sometimes havent even got the time to eat cus its bedding time. and my newspaper has been piling up for the past 3 weeks. didn't really have the time to read it yet. urggh..

what to do?

find more time! :)

anyways..things have been pretty much the same lately except mayb there were some hiccups. or should i even consider that as a hiccup?

dont really like the way it feels sometimes but..just need to bear with it and see how things goes right? :)

was just talking to my cousin who now works in singapore.

my cousin say this to me

you look confident
reliable
responsible
i like you

we seldom mixed around together though..but he's judging based on his gut feelings :)

i will think i like to laugh and a funny person who crack lotsa jokes topped with being straight forward.

good or not? straight forward is not good sometimes. i think i've offended quite a number of people :)

ytd went for paintball with my fellow colleagues. got a shot on my shin. not blue black yet... no other bruises. quite safe :p

importantly...most of them enjoyed it. and so that's great to know *smiles*

how's life lately?

2009-05-24T18:25:00.002+08:00

another post after the long break....

the answer to the title of the post is work...work...and work!

home sweet home

2009-05-10T11:59:00.002+08:00

back home for a week since Thursday. 2.5days have gone. didn't do much actually...pretty much loiter around eating and best is i have been sleeping a lot these few days. what a satisfaction.

lazying around doing nothing feels good. now that i'm at this state i dont feel like getting back to work.

hmm...this wont last for long though..need to get back to work next week. :)

build the team

2009-04-23T19:36:00.004+08:00

last friday was an important day. i took the road not taken by most asians maybe? i clicked "N"

recently my manager stopped sending IM to us. it may be due to the frequency of deals we are receiving these days. the volume has dropped tremendously.

tomorrow i will off for a day from work. it is the teambuilding event held by the Finance COE team in CJ. it will be in The Pullman Hotel Putrajaya. sounds far.. but its around 10- 15 mins from my office. one of the games made known to us is the Iron Chef. obviously its about cooking :) and shall see most of us turning iron chefs tomorrow..

last monday i went to try out Yaki Yaki Buffet BBQ Restaurant at the Federal Bowl Bkt Bintang after my publicity of the place to my colleague. the damage was MYR49 and that was after 50% disc. was too excited then i guess i conveniently forgotten about my camera. so the food went into my stomach with no pictures captured. well i will going there again this Sunday for Hi-Tea. i'll better rmb to bring my snap snap techno tool this time.

last week just like any other wednesday i went to gym for the bodycombat class. so this guy was introduced by the usual instructor(who lead us every week) who came all the way from Sg. yesterday he led the class towards the last 20mins and i bet everyone enjoyed his class compared to the other instructor. he sets the right tone and mood for the class. he showed his passion and enthusiasm. most importantly HE IS DAMN GOOD LOOKING!!

ok enough nonsense... back to serious stuff. haha! i can't wait for next Saturday. Because i will be catching my Wang Lee Hom live @ the music man concert @ Bukit Jalil Stadium! yeay!!!

i had a dream

2009-04-09T23:07:00.002+08:00

a few days ago i had a dream..
i dreamt about something really bad that it is still playing in head after 4 days. i could rmb it so well that i was really angry in the dream. with that anger's presence i can even make some money outta it. but i felt bad..

the event is gonna take place very soon and better be it or else.....

there are too much challenges in life to take i dont need more or less. just nice will do. can?

i bought 6 books that day from the MPH clearance sale. On top of the 3 books i bought the other time. its gonna take a very long time to get them done. indeed- long queue. honestly, im not quite confident that i can finish reading them all but...let's see..

received the voting button that day..voting for what? something we are encouraged to do but given a choice yes or no. it seems to me that they made it sounded as though there are no choice but rightfully this has to get our consent. so the verdict - yes? or no?
to think of it, if it is a "no" then what are the consequences?

yet to find out.
if i opt for "yes" then how long for it to take to recover? we have to take into account inflationary effects you know?

its easier to get it cut than to get increase it.with this environment, the worst is yet to come.

recently have been busy at work..friday is never a good day for me. its weekend but most of the time i have to stay in and clear my work. and to deal with my new manager who is super detailed oriented. urghh..

too detailed for me to describe how detail is detail. my colleague will understand this. i know myself very well; if i ever dread myself to work again i know i dont like my job. thankfully the situation is not up to this stage yet. otherwise i would be switching jobs again.. :s

the facts of L.I.F.E.

2009-04-07T23:12:00.001+08:00

cranky and grumpy best describe my mood

stress at work. not much of the work itself. more of my new manager. sighh....

sighh......

Believe it or not?

2009-04-02T12:16:00.002+08:00

What are the 4 things you cannot recover?

1. The stone....after the throw.
2. The words....after it's said.
3. The occasion after the loss.
4. The time after it's gone.

It's awfully correct!

2009-03-30T05:36:00.002+08:00

Good Morning World.

at this time of this day..i'm wide awake. not sure for what kind of reason i couldnt continue sleeping. do not know what i can do now.

im very sure tonight i will be very tired and need to sleep really early.

screw the biological clock. screw it!

sad.

*period*

it died

2009-03-29T09:49:00.002+08:00

who died? my dvd-rom. have not really used it. only like once when i imported some songs from my CD.

waitt..my mistake, the dvd-rom did not die. its the port that connects to the mother board that is. apparently i have to change the whole mother board. that costs MYR1000+++. sigh...even its not my money in which i get to claim cus it belongs to hp i still think its a bit of wasting $$$.
having said that. no choice..i think i should get it replaced otherwise it will quite inconvenient.

had a very long day yesterday...right after the class i went for a quick meal and head towards MV to catch a train to Sg. Wang. I waited for 20mins for the train to KL sentral. to make me more frustrated they are building an extension to the KL sentral and i had to make a detour to get to the monorail station. sighh...

and when i reached sg wang, i could hear some ppl singing Lee Hom's song (that is to get free tix). and saw some galaxy staffs walking around holding some forms. i asked one of them if there are any promos.

15% off for all tix except the tix priced at RM198 with 30% off. In order to enjoy the promo tix you'll have to be an x pax user. Not enough! Have to reload RM30 to receive a mobile voucher and forward to galaxy, otherwise the tix that i bought which costs MYR750 will be invalid. *puzzled*

so much hassles...worst still one x pax prepaid gets 2 tix only. I wanted 3 tix. In the end i had to get 2 tix with promo and 1 at full price.

anddd now i have a new prepaid mobile number by celcom. don't know what to do with it. it already served the purpose. lol

i spent a lot of money ytd. like MYR1k a day..although not all are my spending cus i bought tix for my friends too. just feel very bad cus spending MYR1k a day but that is not what i earn a day.

sent my car for maintenance too. (that's why i said long day, tiring; both physically and mentally)the battery is due to be changed and it costs MYR170. tyre also need to be changed. no idea how much they will cost. anyway...its a 3 yrs old SLK

i rmb once one of my friend told me "friends are to be taken advantage of". i rmb well it was a "she" who told me but don't rmb exactly who she was. i totally disagree with her. because to me friends are giving and taking, compromising and tolerance.

and to be honest just recently not very recent like 1.5 yrs ago? the phrase from her popped out from nowhere and warned myself that i have just been taken advantage of. there are not much positive points which refrains me from thinking that way. seriously i feel i was giving more and when i'm not needed i'm abandoned.

*the dilapidation state*

sad to say but i think this is happening to me and i'm quite upset with it. am i being too nice? i don't think so because i'm a very mean person. who never care to give face to anyone which i think they are not doing the right thing.

yet..i'm having this problem of being too nice. maybe i was too nice to certain people. also because i have a very high patience level. how to transform from a person who is dedicated to a person who couldn't care more or less?am i going to feel better if i were to behave in such a way?

something needs to be proven.

i have been in hp for 4 months now.so far so good..just sometimes i have a lot of "question marks" but justifiable for me to stay. last week a headhunter called me. looking for a pricing specialist for Celcom. too bad i'm not ready to move and i don't think it's suitable in many ways. call me 2 yrs later maybe? *smiles*

enough of rantings..all the above did not really flow but, its spontaneous writing...

ZzzzZzzzZZzzZZZzz

2009-03-24T23:45:00.000+08:00

i am very the sleeepy.....

found my prince charming

2009-03-15T17:57:00.003+08:00

That day i tried out one of the quiz somewhere i couldn't recall. The source is not the point but the results are.

when i read it i was telling myself so loudly that it is so damn true.

You desire a love that will last forever. You are quite serious about finding this type of love, and that's why you think carefully about the men that you meet before deciding whether you could really love them. You don't just develop a crush on someone overnight: you look at a person's personality and other aspects of their life before deciding to form an attachment. If a guy doesn't meet your expectations, you would rather be alone. Your love has to be perfect. Be careful though, you could be missing out on some worthy relationships because your standards are so high.

I think i'm just so perfectionist? i think i will miss out a lot of things out there if i don't change the way i think and behave. i always wonder how sure can i be when it's so soon? mayb its too early to be concern now. shall wait till the person appears :)

and so i was watching this show. and this guy is so good looking!!! it isnt the first time i see him so its not love at first sight. i like his hairstyle and his outfit and image in this show. his sideburns. he look so "man".

basically he is the prince charming tht i'm referring to *smiles*

must go..

2009-03-10T21:44:00.003+08:00

i got very worried over the sold out tix to Lee Hom's concert this coming May. i called galaxy. to my relieve they told me that all types of tix are still available. *phew*

gonna make sure to catch it this time. die die must go.

gym should resume tomorrow..gained weight these recent weeks. excessive eating and non exercising days. played a few board games and got excited over the new tree and worms game.

was asked for a favour last weekend. seems interesting. some monetary benefits. but risky business to me. so the verdict is = NO. i've already made up my mind.

recently it has been quite quiet at work. its not a good sign. some countries have started to ask their employee to clear their leaves by forced shutdown.2 days a quarter. to my knowledge annual leaves which is a c&b poses as opex/cos to an organisation. to reduce that an org will encourage their employees to clear their leaves.

i have 9.25 days to clear for the rest of the year which is not earned yet.
4 days goes to the shutdown this December. 5.25 days left. It's March now and i dont think its time to utilise the 5.25 days yet. not until this september (ok that is if i'm not retrenched. i'm not trying to be negative but i'm in a rockety and risky position. Under labour law, employers can retrench an employee on the basis of Last In, First Out.)

Recent hot track on my list.
by beyonce

If I were a boy
I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I’d be a better man.
I’d listen to her
Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted
Cause he’s taken you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed

It’s a little too late for you to come back
Say its just a mistake
Think I’d forgive you like that
If you thought I would wait for you
You thought wrong

But you’re just a boy
You don’t understand
Yeah you don’t understand
How it feels to love a girl someday
You wish you were a better man
You don’t listen to her
You don’t care how it hurts
Until you lose the one you wanted
Cause you’ve taken her for granted
And everything you have got destroyed
But you’re just a boy

for 165mins

2009-03-05T16:57:00.003+08:00

that is about 2 hours and 45 mins.

and it was for Benjamin Button. I wouldn't say its a very good show but it was quite good. Given that its quite a curious case and sad. Where someone dies when they became a baby just like a newborn. that was because Brad Pitt was born old. :

you wouldn't get it unless you watch it. so you should go watch this movie soon :)

and again this whole day i had been thinking of what should i be blogging about. because last night i rmb i have this one particular thingy to blog about. unfortunately i forgot.

i think i started to be really forgetful these days. its kinda associated with short term memory loss. on what basis?

because the moment i lock my car and reach my apartment i will ask myself this question "Did i lock my car?" seriously i don't remember already.. sad i knoww...

and i have to most of the time return to the place i parked my car and check if it was locked. *sigh...

its not nice to be so forgetful over important things. its fine not to rmb so much of other things because some things are not worth remembering. but locking my car is considered a severe thing isn't it?

i kept reminding myself if my SLK is stolen or watever happens to my stupid car ( what i always scold my car) i think i wont be able to get to work and a there is a to do. police reports. insurance reports...never ending follow up.

thinking of tht; its worth returning and check if the car was locked.

i still can't recall what i wanted to rant about here.

shall come back tomorrow and tht is if i could rmb..

*packing bag to go home* (not really go home..need to go to Mid Valley now)

chane~!

for 10 mins

2009-03-03T20:50:00.004+08:00

For once i forgot what i wanted to blog about and i had to go through all previous post until somehow the posts reminded myself of what i wanted to stress today.

Last week my friend was keeping me posted on her upcoming plans. She was telling me that she will be going off to Perth to work. But she hasn't found a job.
she said "No rush since economy is bad and i have no commitments"

it is true to a certain extent. It's good to be positive. It is the kind of attitude to have. I wish you all the best.

Recently, they announced a pay cut in HP. 5% which will be effective soon. I agree that when there's retrenchment an org incurs more costs i.e to shoo ppl away first by offering VSS and when the times are good incur other costs i.e acquisition and training costs. That seems to be a waste of resources. But what if times were to be worsen? Nobody knows what will happen 6 months down the road. Everyone is contracting their spending with the fear of losing their jobs maybe 6 months down the road?

But if you learnt economics, this is not the right action to take. In actual fact, we should spend more. When an economy contracts it is because the supply is in abundance and could not meet the demand. So the overall AD (aggregate demand) fell.

If you remember the Keynesian economics "the paradox of thrift"
When households (demand) contracts their spending by saving more perhaps, basically they are consuming less and therefore overall AD fell and eventually it leads to lower NY ( National Income). This causes a downturn to deepen in the mere short term.
I remember reading on thesun the other day that based on research by a bank, Malaysians are not spending enough. But Malaysians are among the top savers in the world. National Savings were 38% of the GNP in 2007.

Are you surprised?

So most governments in the world is trying to come out with packages to stimulate the economy to boost domestic demand by encouraging spending so as the AD will not fall further and cause the downturn to deepen.

I'm sure everyone will we wondering what the stimulants will be when our new premier announce the package by end of this month when he take over the office.
Tax reductions? What forms of government spending to be expected?
We shall see..

Quote by the 33rd President of the US "Recession is when a neighbour loses his job, Depression is when you lose yours"

Bring to you this song by Fish Leong

以前我不懂得
未必明天　就有以后
想念是会呼吸的痛
它活在我身上所有角落
哼你爱的歌会痛
看你的信会痛　
连沉默也痛
遗憾是会呼吸的痛
它流在血液中来回滚动
后悔不贴心会痛
恨不懂你会痛
想见不能见最痛

holiday, shall i?

2009-03-01T21:44:00.002+08:00

I feel like flying..................

airasia is offering good deals. i feel like going. like now!! one thing quite sad is i have 9 days leave for the rest of the year when i have not even took 1. sigh....

It only costs MYR4 to Macau.
It only costs MYR6 to Penang.

can imagine? Its cheaper to fly overseas than going back home.

Shall i go home or shall i go for a holiday? I think i will be too ambitious to go alone. Shall i just head home? Shall I?

i'm yours

2009-02-15T21:09:00.004+08:00

i was driving back from CJ last thursday and heard from fly fm that Rihanna's concert was cancelled. Apparently she was assaulted by Chris Brown. came to my surprise to know that Rihanna is only 20y.o and Chris is 19y.o!

thinking bout when i was 19y.o, i was already staying abroad from home sweet home. its like packing all my belongings to stay in another country with no turning back. 2 yrs in the overseas. so much exposure, so much knowledge gained, so much explorations, so much happiness and enjoyment.

from friendster and multiply to now the hottest network on earth facebook.

that was 6 years ago..a lot to remember and too much to forget.

2 yrs + 3yrs + 1yr*

2yrs+ 2.2yrs + 0.5yrs+ 1yr*

1yr + 4.5yrs + 0.5yrs*

the past and parcels of my life in the past 6 yrs.they came in phases and each phase overlaps each other. at the end of the day it is made equal.

i have been sick for the past 4 days. it started off with sore throat, then package came with flu, fever and cough.

and now..

just today i was made *mute* and i had to teach a bunch of kids "Subject-Verb Agreement" and "Spelling". i'm quite happy to see that now most of them can do sva. Spelling was worst. i hope i will be able to help them and definitely try my best to. just kinda drama today for a teacher who was almost mute to continue teaching.

from an almost mute this morning; as a result of 4 hours of teaching. certified *MUTE*

was just thinking. if i were to fall into an argument now with someone ftf i will awfully lose. greatfully i'm not going to. i will just gonna stay in my den and recuperate. same thing is playing on my mind now whether or not to work tomorrow.(cus i had the same thought on Thursday night, eventually Friday i had a fever and on MC) i can choose to either work from home or go on sick leave or go to the office and mute at one corner. which one sounds better?

the verdict tomorrow. :)

i'm feeling so pathetic now. i feel like singing this song "paint my love by MLTR" when i CAN'T at ALL

currently on playlist: Paint My Love

Happy V-Day

2009-02-11T21:54:00.003+08:00

Happy V-Day to all again.

just so happen i don't have to teach this saturday. phew...

and planning to go to Le Meridian in KL sentral for tea. Apparently they are famous for their english afternoon tea.

shall go and check it out. and snap some pics i hope. that is if i rmb to bring my camera along.

oh today i think i wasnt wide awake really...i think i was still in my dreams. when i reached the office. guess what? i can't find my wallet.

basically i drove 30km away from the city to the MSC without IC, licence and money. imagine what would happen if there were to be police blocks. then it seems like if i were to be lucky enough then the police will be the person to inform myself that i forgot to bring my wallet.

so i had to come home like a bit early today at 5pm just incase there are police blocks? so i managed to reach home safely driving without a valid licence and identification.

farnee..and blurry.

the week is coming to and end. its thursday and weekend comes again. been in penang for like 2 weeks during CNY and it feels good to be home. But don't think i will be heading home anytime soon. Maybe in May? shall see.

2009-02-10T23:42:00.001+08:00

had great laugh...
had deep thoughts..

but back to reality :)

having stomach pain now. sigh...

endless night

2009-02-10T01:21:00.003+08:00

just got back from bukit bintang after meeting a friend. before i reach home i was telling myself that the moment i step in to my room what i should be doing is to get ready to "moo" world.

BUT*

you can see i'm blogging away with my notebook on my bed. trying to think of something to blog about. honestly i feel like blogging. feel as though there are a lot to blog about but at the same time i dont know what is there to talk about. i just feel like blogging. not very sure if this happens to you to if you are a blogger. occasionally at least? no?

i was checking my email. there was a typo in one of my email and so i thought i could just leave it cus my team lead told me that it is ok to do so. not long after that my manager sent me an email with some queries to go back to the country people for more details. plus requesting me to correct the typo. i will say it is very minimal. but i think my new manager is very particular in detail, speed and accuracy. that is a standard i set to myself too.

but under the mgt of the ex-manager its ok to make these typo or small mistakes. now no more offf track. so can we draw a conclusion here where guys tend to be more flexible than girls? and they are not so particular on the minor things per say.

not trying to generalise here and there are exceptional cases. its subjective and judgemental.

recently i havent been in a good mood i think...ytd i wasn't in a good mood and one of my student; a 12 yr old kid provoked my already not so into good mood into something worst.

i told him off with a loud and stern face and voice!
and its good to find out that it works. because he behaves himself today in the class. happy to see improvement but we shall see how long can this last. michievous boy he is.

not sure if i should go to bed now..since its already 0134.

i think i better go before more nonsense.

dozing off...

The Card Game - Snap

2009-02-08T08:45:00.002+08:00

ever played a game called snap?
its a simple card game where you keep on showing cards until you find a match where you'll snap the cards with your palm.

but not long ago i learnt a different snap. its not a game. but it an action of expressing oneself's anger. that just happened last night.

honestly, i have to admit that it does piss me off. its not nice to scold a good friend in front of everyone but i would say its off my limits. otherwise things will continue to happen. and i don't want to see that to happen ever AGAIN.

2009-02-01T15:18:00.005+08:00

manage to catch up with my manager for a 1x1 session over the phone on the finalisation of the FY09 goals. Officially today the(my) hiring manager will be transitioned over to a new role and we are expecting a new manager who will be taking over our team..

we were speaking on how the role transition will happen over the next 6 months to the long term. i will start off with the role in global pricing while concurrently the special pricing will happen as well. list pricing will come in after which i have mastered global price.

Eventhough i have global pricing experience, in this particular org the global price is very different. Shall find out how different is it compared to my last job.

Things are getting more interesting day after day and as expected pricing role is never relaxing. As i move along i could sense that it can be no days or nights. It is a good change and i think to realise my dream this should be the correct path to go about.

Other things remain more or less same old except sometimes there are some disturbance but this is life. Things only work both ways, i can't posibbly go about something with only my involvement.

time flies and now once again i'm re-highlighting it. 5 months it is. i could not rmb well when did that take place. and had to dig out some info from my past posts. maybe it is of no significance to me but it does come back and it worries me. For once i was glad that i could delete it from my memories but it kept coming back. What is there to do? Say i'm too stubborn? I don't know if i am. Is it ever my fault that it came back and haunt me? I have no control of whether or not to give it permission to haunt me again.

我很好奇。。。什么侍候再会吧这个问题解决
已经延迟很久。。。
很多年，月，天了。

Someone is there to lead my way...

pondering..

2009-01-27T13:32:00.002+08:00

i always thought things will be simpler...
i thought i have already overcome all.....
i thought as time passes by things will fade...
i thought when it fades away it will be over...

but i was wrong. things kept on coming back. it all came without a warning. and when i realised that it was too late.

i dont know how long i can take this..always wondering how long can this be controlled..i have no idea how to go about it. how to get things done and over with.

when i thought i have got it done and over with...it will eventually come back. and when its back i'm trapped all over again.

i hate myself being not able to deal with that. but what can i do? what needs to be done has been done and what needs to said has been said. i'm restless.

teach me how to go about
teach me how to get things solved.
teach me how to get it done and over with.
teach me..

2008-12-27T16:08:00.002+08:00

been long since my last blog.

currently i am back in Penang for approx. 10 days before i head back to the city on wednesday.

Work shall resume on the 5th of January. New Year, New Job and New Image?

i guess so..

yesterday i went to the optometrist to check my pair of once perfect eyes. Now i no longer enjoy the privilege.

Do you believe it's due to aging? Possible...

Certified with Myopia and Astigmatism. It's just the beginning of the phase.

Myopia

Left 70

Right 50

Astigmatism

Left 25

Right 25

So i now own a pair of 1st new glasses which only costs me MYR102. cheap huh?

but this pair of glasses only comes into action in the evening. :)

been relaxing at home without nothing much to do for 5 days. I think i would have already gained at least 2KG for the non stop pigging.

Life life life....

2008-12-13T19:46:00.002+08:00

So how's life? Been good these days.

Things happens for a reason and usually it happens without you even realising them.

Things happenened concurrently and i was quite worried before that that i will ponder on. Now that time has slowly passes by it has faded away and honestly i feel happy. It is a good ending and beginning.

Started a new job in Cyberjaya beginning of this month with HP. Holding a position of FA. Supporting the TSG business for Asia Pacific Japan (APJ). Honestly have not started working literally on my job related role but working by setting up my new Notebook, Phone and etc. Gone through some internal training such as the SBC and some reading to know more about the business that i will be supporting and the org that i will be working for.

Managed to speak to my manager on the 2nd day i've gone on board. Was told a bad news for my team at least. My colleague is not very happy i can see. But it's a good news for him. All i can do is wish him All the Best :). Pray hard the new manager is gonna be good man. :

Was quite stress in the past few days due to some really tricky travel arrangements to Sg next week for training. Was so afraid that i wouldn't be able to make it on Monday. It did cross my mind to inform my manager that can i not go? Since it's so much a hassle to even get the travel done. There were so much hiccups that i actually went to the KL office in Damansara Heights on Thursday(was a public holiday in Selangor) to make a call to the travel agent. So as Friday would be a buffer.

I always have that thought..what have i been doing? What are my visions? Am i heading anywhere or not? I eat 3 meals daily and sleeps at least 8 hours a day and goes to the office every day. But at the end of the day what have i been looking forward to? I seriously don't know. I'm still trying to find out. Yeahh..3 years after graduation. Still senseless of my direction. Don't know if it's a good or bad news.

Time will tell? I'll try to believe this.

1 year, 2 Resignations, 3 Managers

2008-11-27T15:54:00.002+08:00

been long since my last post.

20days of dormant state.

i never thought that i will only last 6 months here.

tomorrow will be my last day in Synovate. Sad to leave but..

its time to move on...

Will it get better in time?

2008-11-07T10:00:00.001+08:00

Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in timeAnd even though
I really love youI'm gonna smile cause
I deserve to
It'll all get better in time

Since there's no more you and me
It's time I let you go
So I can be free
And live my life how it should be
No matter how hard it is
I'll be fine without you
Yes I will

extracted from Better in Time by Leona Lewis

My 3rd Ad Hoc Project

2008-10-24T14:49:00.002+08:00

the online link has gone haywire. got a shock when i found out that the analyst party only managed to answer 2 questions and they are not even the focus questions.

bang!

and i did not know that we did not request to check the actual links which were sent to the respondents.

bang!

my manager said in RSH we have to check everything before the fieldwork if not this is what gonna be happening.

"CHAP SI"

you know what this means?

means "Collect Shit" for a direct translation.

and now all online survey for this project has to be HALTED until further notice.

until when we check all the links.

luckily we found this out at the initial stage of the survey and we can still rectify the issues. if that were to be discovered only towards the end.

BIG BANG!

colours

2008-10-21T14:37:00.004+08:00

Orange is for pleasure i.e Singapore Airlines, ING, Hard Rock Cafe and etc.

Yellow is for conviviality i.e Shell, McDonald's, Lipton, Yellow Pages Digi and etc.

Brown is for belonging i.e Snickers, Camel, UPS and etc.

Blue stands for security i.e DELL, Hyundai, Ford, Philips, Pfizer, Volvo, Samsung and etc.

Black is for control i.e Bose, Playboy, Puma, Schwarzkopf and etc.

Green is for recognition of status i.e Heineken, Land Rover, Starbucks Coffee, Carlsberg, Lacoste and etc.

Purple stands for power i.e FedEx, Deutsche Telekom, enstil and etc.

Red is for vitality i.e Coca Cola, Fujitsu, CNN, Nintendo, Budweiser and etc.

I bet if the examples of companies using colours in representing themselves were not given you might not agree to the colours

Do you feel the same?
I picked this book from the reading corner of my office. In which this refers to the Censydiam Theory by Synovate. On colours and emotions.

Quite interesting to read with a whole lot of examples.

easy said than done

2008-10-17T10:20:00.003+08:00

Quite long ago way long before i left high school i believe the trueness of the below. Been carrying these since then and it can be found on my friendster.

It takes a minute to know someone, an hour to like someone, a day to love someone, but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.

Sometimes love hurts...but if it doesn't hurt then it isnt love
It hurst to love someone and not to be loved in return.

true but i think one thing worth knowing/adding

It hurts even more when someone you love are not aware about it.

right?

lost and found

2008-10-17T09:21:00.003+08:00

Recently a friend of mine added me on facebook.
Long long lost friend. I did not see her ever since before i went to Sydney.

When i read the message she send me i felt so happy for her. I think i understand what she meant by too happy until don't know how to tell me.
too happy for words to describe. i think i felt the same before.
now i'm neither too happy nor sad.
too much to say, too much to be mentioned.

venturing happiness coming my way,
the right time isnt here yet,
i hope time will tell.

Teacher Jane

2008-10-16T15:57:00.007+08:00

Call me crazy, call me blind
To still be suffering is stupid after all of this time
Did I lose my love to someone better
And does she love you like I do I do, you know I really really do
Well hey So much I need to say
Been lonely since the day
The day you went away
And we were letting go of something special
Something we'll never have again
I know, I guess I really really know
Why do we never know what we've got 'til it's gone
How could I carry on
The day you went away
Cause I've been missing you so much I have to say
Been crying since the day
The day you went away
The day you went away....

I was listening to my ipod for the past few days while i was working on my "work"? and this song was played.. I don't quite remember when did i add this song to my playlist. But this song sort of reminded me of something. It's like a warning. time to stop do things the way i always do...

Went to Sg for a look see last weekend. I think i venture sunny island on average once a year. It was freaking hot at 35degrees celcius.

More on my Sg trip @ belink.blogspot.com

Last week i was trying to be friendly and added one random friend of my friend's friend on facebook. and what he did was sending me some funny wall posts and msn messages.

it is so annoying.. and i had to shoo him away by telling him i'm not single. too lame i know but i can't help it.

Moral of the story? => Don't try to be too friendly

I have a feeling i tend to have friends who are funny. Too funny to be described by words and most importantly they are getting on my nerves.

One: Overly sensitive and never listen. Narrow minded and live in her own world.

Two: Childish. Never Listen. Mad.

Conclusion: The mutual trait is "they don't listen".

Have you ever made felt like a beggar in front of a friend? Like someone throwing monies straight right in front of your face?

Well i Did. I was very furious and we did not talk to each other ever since then. And to my surprise i was told that she don't feel like talking to me after that night and it was out of no apparent reason.

Bizarre or not? It is.

Due to the fact that she don't understand/know/realise what had happened. The fact that the person who should be angry is myself and not her.

But 2 weeks ago i receive a text from her. it reads "shall we meet for dinner tonight?"

put yourself in my shoes. is it fair to me to be treated in such a way? when you like it you ask me out and when you dont like it you ignore my presence? i'm sorry..i'm definitely not free to entertain you.

Last week while i was in Sg. i received another text from her and it reads "are you free for dinner tonight?" definitely not because i will only be back in KL late that night.

Honestly, i feel glad that whenever she asked me out i have something on. Blame me harsh or bad or whatever you can name it. Because i don't care. I've told myself to let go. My patience level has reached it's ceiling and there's no extension. I guess the bad thing in me is when i've decided on something there is no turning back. And tht's it!

I'm sorry but this is just how things will follow moving forward.

Couldn't care much and less. I gave in more than expected. If i continue to do this she can never move on and grow.

I hope she reads this. (too bad not because she dont have access to this link)

2008-10-12T23:49:00.002+08:00

just got back from Sg 4hours ago.

mode: tired & sleepy

it feels as though there are a lot to blog about but i don't know where to start.
maybe my mind is not functioning properly already since now it's close to 12am.
maybe it's time to go to bed and put my mind, body and soul to rest.

don't

2008-10-05T23:06:00.002+08:00

don't try too hard as you may strangle yourself
don't lose the way as you may get lost
don't even think of dragging time as you may lost count
don't be too carried away..

it's time to put on your thinking cap and do what you have to do.
move now....

point is already moved..

幸福

2008-09-29T09:10:00.003+08:00

世界很大渺小的两个人能够遇见这种幸福
有些秘密只属于相恋的两人之间
有一双手温暖得像黑暗中的光线
有些感觉深刻的停留在那时间

My Chinese was never rusty. I don't know Chinese (well) to be frank. But a lot of people think i was Chinese Educated. Due to the reason that i speak fluent mandarin.

I think my mandarin is conversational. and it's not close to good. or am i just portraying perfections?
I studied 2 years of Chinese during Kindergarten and spoke mandarin with my family during my earlier childhood years. Then i stopped Mandarin for 2 years after i went to Primary school and only attended Mandarin classes in Primary 3.I could still rmb the class was held every Friday 1 to 3PM. I dropped Mandarin class in Primary 4.
I couldn't continue because it's just getting more difficult.

I stopped conversing mandarin with my family after i went to primary and started speaking Hokkien.

Then my sister gave birth to nephew no.1. I started to speak my half filled mandarin. In 1998 nephew no. 2 came to the world. Still half filled...

Then i went to colllege and it was during my first year of uni that i started to speak a lot of mandarin to my dear coursemates back in IICP. eventually mandarin speaking continues right till today :)

No doubt i did improve in mandarin because i converse to this friend of mine in mandarin ALL the time. I know how to read more chinese characters (courtesy of HK dramas subtitles) and be surprised that my mandarin improved after i came back from Sydney.

ahha..what an irony? at least i did not deprove my English rite?
A good thing to learn and find out.

I had this thought everytime when ppl i know think i was Chinese Ed whether if i was, what kind of bling i will be today.
I probably will turn out to be some typical chinese ah lians? (ah ling)
and not the bling you know today.

honestly i am very thankful i wasn't Chinese educated. But i have a feeling my dad actually regretted sending me to English school. Why?
Cannot see Chinese in me. Don't understand Chinese "wen hua" he said.
oh well, he didn't spelled it to me but i could just feel it.
Chinese it just too difficult and tedious to learn...wokay?

anyway...i'm trying to learn how to read chinese now. Because i think things can be expressed more in Chinese characters.

*smiles*

randoms..

2008-09-24T15:01:00.003+08:00

Chi muis in the queue.....

When i look at this picture i actually stared at it. figuring out which was my hand. i only managed to figure it out the 2nd time when i relook at it. yeah.. i don't recognise myself.

I spotted myself in this snapshot taken by the photographer... ahha..i think i was having fun in my dream and fantasies. i don't quite remember what i was doing. But i do remember they were all eating the wasabi filled mooncake.

I came across a song the other day...not in order. it was random.

Cannot dream, cannot share sweet and tender moments

Cannot feel how we feel, must pretend it's over

Must be brave and we must go on, must not say

What we've known all along

Must be strong and we must let go

Cannot say what our hearts must know

How does one walks away

From all of the memories

What do i tell my heart

How can i not love you

分不清

2008-08-24T11:50:00.001+08:00

结束了何必再拉扯
有些事情总该遗忘的

别再哭了多不值得
笑一笑把爱情看透彻
生活苦涩该他负责
他会后悔他做了这选择
别再哭了多不值得
失去也是另一种获得
伤心情歌不属于你的
幸福不一定非爱谁不可

我问自己爱有錯嗎？
没有錯而是爱錯人。。

who to blame?

2007-11-20T15:09:00.000+08:00

MYSELF! Bloody pissing off when i heard it just now. Oh yes...well we didn't say we are going together anyway rite? The point here forgetting is the main thing. Damn shitty...How long am i going to tolerate more with this goldfish.

I dont want to be angry over and over again with this reason because it's utterly awful and time wasting and SILLY!!!!

I learnt what? Don't take it seriously. But tht's not how i handle things and Never. It could be the right time for me to change..You feel so?

urgghhh...