不知道如何继续下去

wah i got a shock of my life...when i saw the bills. guess i will need to puasa this month.

anyways..not the center of the story today. whether i like it or not the $$ has been spent. just need to bear with it and get it done and over with.

i should be able to pull this thru...
was chatting with a friend via msn just now. how i wonder things in this world will turn into.

life complicated as it is..

her case is like a guy likes her but she has no feelings over him at all. not even a single bit. and she was saying that sometimes when thay guy treats her too nice she is afraid. afraid he may gone too deep and eventually will hurt himself not physically but mentally at least.

was just telling her when someone likes her she should appreciate him but condition change when she dont even have even a single feel over him. sad right? how good it is when things happen mutually but when there is only one hand i.e one party then we dont hear claps.

and another story is both parties have feelings over each other but one of the party is not ready? i guess so..or i think one party could have too much thoughts. weighing on both hands which is a better thing to do? maybe we have too much thoughts at times?

not sure how things will go and if we make the right move? its not wrong to think thoughtfully but when it was overly done then its kinda draggy...

maybe you want to know how i feel now?
i'm feeling very restless actually. also feeling very stressed. physically, emotionally and financially.

i spent a bomb this month. my credit card bill $$$ goes to XXXX
i slept less this month. (expect myself to wake up at 5.30am and appear in the office at 7.45 when i put myself to bed late) even my friend realised that. i have never had this kind of experience before. not even when i was back @ my first job.

i started to have dark circles

i've gained weight

i have more work to do moving forward. (means from this month onwards)

someone in my team is leaving. bear in mind there are only 3 of us in the team who has so much to do. and when she leaves 2 of us is going to do that amount of more work and work...cus there are a lot of shit coming.

not done..my manager have not found someone as her backfill.

job related already overload but that is not enough. we have in our new office setup the global processes of knowledge transfer , process documentation and etc. Honestly, i found it very very annoying. we have so much activities in COE (just FYI our office is called COE: Center of Excellence). then they will be asking ppl to join as committee do this and that and that and this. not done. ample meetings to attend. soft board presentations to the new hires every wednesday. i always ask myself if this presentation is necessary even? can we do it on a monthly basis instead?

urrghh...please teach me.. give me some insights. how do i continue the journey.......

24 hours a day seems not enough for me. i have forgone friday nights to my job. now i have to forgo my tuesday nights and my gym sessions; (i may need to forgo at the meantime?)

i'm very tired of all this...sigh man.
i need help.......

oh gosh..feeling sleepy at ungodly hours..not a good sign..

annoyed and ignored..no good.

wonder why

yesterday i was out with a colleague for dinner. to my great surprise i was told about this rumour. three "huh's"

cus the rumour does sound funny. but need validation....so this morning i went to the office to validate the truth out there...out there somewhere.

i'm really surprised to know how some ppl can boast and make up stories to the extend of non existence to existence. so much so that i think they are scary ppl out there whom we shall all beware of.
bizarre ppl with bizarre stories. they may not seem what they are..when its non working hours there all the gossips surface.

are they behaving in such a way because they are born to be like that? due to aging? or they are too free and have nothing to occupy their time?

i wonder....although i'm not one of the one involved here but i think they are a bit too overboard. crossed the line. also wondering what are the benefit to them by doing this? to soothe their heart? or enjoy the excitement to fulfill their emotional hunger?

that shall reveal by themselves... don't know what they are trying to prove.

just need to beware as always... when i first joined there were only 40 of us. Now there are 175 of us to date. more lively and crowded and more stories...

anyways...it will go away someday. wish i can move somewhere else and not sit in that danger zone. not affected but don't feel like looking at them straight to the face. sien..


and so my cameron trip is coming this weekend. that done i will be heading straight for home for 2 weeks. I can foresee how time flies and 2 weeks with a glimpse it will be over.

my horoscope of the day is hinting me that there will be lotsa work coming my way. my team lead in sg had tendered her resignation and will be leaving in 3 weeks time. in the interim all the work will flow to both of us who are based in CJ. so do you think the horoscope is reliable?

the storm is coming and things will be a lil more hectic when the end of FY comes in October. fingers crossed.we will pull this through....

so how?

what can be done now?

anyone can give me an answer?

no one it seems.

the answer seems to be coming from me instead. let it be...see how things flow.

it will finally find its way home.

was feeling very dissappointed this afternoon after hearing the speech. it was no big deal but i just felt that way.

and came to find out that my team lead who is based in singapore will be leaving HP. apparently all her tracking work will flow to my load.

stressing big time now. it adds on to my current workload. i already don't have my friday nights and now it flows to weekends.

ya..it's fun. as if.. it's never fun.

i wonder how things will turn to next month.....i dont dare to imagine.

sigh...

current song playing : Collide by Howie Day

spilling..

sometimes its good to have someone right next to you when shit happens...

you know like a shoulder to rest on? sometimes i do feel tired to deal all things on my own.

i was in a state of shock this morning when i saw my car standing on 3 wheels. it has gone off balance.

i had to walk back to the condo and leave all my things and go to the nearest tyre shop for help. but to no avail...the shop only open at 9am.

i went to the nearest police station to file a report and had to go over to the main police station in brickfields to record a statement. and im driving with my spare tyre without a spare tyre.

spent the rest of the afternoon looking for an original rim for my car. to my dissappointment i wasnt able to find it. i had to get back to the perodua original dealer for one. that costs MYR350.

so damn no mood today... i am a few hundred bucks poorer today. why must this happen to me?
sigh...

i was feeling so upset just now after all that has happened and there is no shoulder for me to lie on..... so restless. undescribeable state...

but i have a bunch of friends who care for me.. thankful that i do have friends like them. i'm feeling better now...

thank you very much..

but that doesnt mean im done with this problem.. have to be back to reality. need to get this problem solved ASAP!

i think i need to go and chill and drink some alcohol..need to release already....i cant stand it anymore!

the truth

is out there.......

its for me to know and for someone to find out.

sometimes its hard for us to believe in the truth. but when it comes..it comes...no matter how we react it happens.

maybe i don't understand myself well enough. what i want and what i need. am i losing something now that i'm halfway through?

sometimes i do hate myself...for reacting foolishly...giving silly answers. and also sometimes how i see things..

as sometimes i see them but hang one in within a min i dont see it anymore.

"now you see it; then you don't"

exactly how that is...now i may see it; tomorrow i may not.

its a game that is not nice to be involved in. sometimes i think it is but to think of it deeper it may not be. sigh..i also don't know what's going on... :

*zips up her mouth and brain*

*rolls on her bed*

zZzZzZzzzzz....

turning upside down

am in a very bad mood today...feel unwell but duno what went wrong..

something wrong somewhere but dont know where that kind you see?

坐不是站不是睡不是

and so i decided to call it a day early and back home straight.

was watching this drama and one of the dialogue was this

"爱一个人不容易"

and i do agree.

最好是不要想太多。要不然会很辛苦。。

replay..

could i be thinking too much? i hope yes. shouldn't let things roll too deep. otherwise i will be trapped once again....

follow the flow and let it be....

yes..that shall kick in.

otherwise i will be very tired dealing with all these.

i'm so upset that i can't update my blog regularly these days. what was going on man..i have no idea. *Sobs*

currently playing : *poker face*

can't read my, can't read my, no he can't read my... "Poker Face"