its May

and age is catching up!

in less than a month, looks like i'm turning 1 yr older

i wasted 2yrs of my life at least i think i did . wasted over commuting to work and getting sick all the time.

it should come to an end soon hopefully by the time 1 additional year older and wiser i would have already got my freedom

fingers cross...

be positive and lead a new life ahead :)

the change for better or worst

2 yrs has passed since i made the decision at the new crossroad.

now i'm making a u-turn to go back to the crossroad. this path i would not say its wrong. its just unusual.

it changed my life lots, in terms of health, thinking, and becoming not me.

working in this company has made myself not being myself. I was not able to demonstrate the real me.

i have migraines, pain on the right leg and even menstrual issues.

it looks like i have to do something now to stop anything else to deteriorate further.

i'm still waiting ... with the hope that it will come soon before i go off for my holidays and i can kill off some of the days without needing to go to work.

at this moment, anything that can help to minimise the number of days i need to go to work would be BEST.

i pray to god everyday to bless me. hopefully everything will be smooth sailing

2 yrs indeed another lesson.

1 yr living in remorse mourning over something that happened in the past 2 yrs followed by a year living hopeless, depressed.

and with no direction. i was able to wake up from that dream- thanks to someone. who is also the person whom i figure out i can no longer continue to work with him.

i do not want to continue my life which is waking up at 6.30am, jam all the way to work, eating breakfast in office, work and wait for lunchtime, lunch and then finally wait for knocking off work and beating the jam to reach home for dinner!

this cycle evolves everyday for the past 6 months at least! i abhor this kind of lifestyle. i hate that i have to sleep by 10pm or at most 10.30pm so that i wont fall asleep in office the next day.

i pray hard all this will end soon and i can revert back to the lifestyle that i prefer.

i'm just not myself sometimes i think...

grr...so tired yet feel like bitching.

what i do is not wrong...just not what other people will do as a norm. and so ppl will comment for things i do.

never like such things..

need to learn not to care so much!

ignore mode..

at crossroads...

i came to yet another crossroads in my life...

i know with this decision my life will change a lot...

4.5 yrs has passed with the same lifestyle....

Come June 17th i will be recording a new chapter of my life... a change in environment and also people around me..

2012 is definitely a year that i learned a lot..i came to understand what love is about from this person. also understand how guys think differently compared to girls. although i admit that i felt hurt from this experience but its a great lesson. it brings me to a lot of different perspective about friendship among colleagues, love and men in general.

i did not regret doing all those things that i did for him esp the lego episode..the only thing i feel upset and remorse is why would a person who said he bought me a present still did not present to me until today when he already got the gift since last christmas.

i will not ask it from him .. if he wants to give it to me with the heart.. if he has the intention to;  he will give it to me eventually...this is called proactive.

its finally time for me to let go once my 4.5yrs episode has finally came to an ending....

it feels reluctant but i think i should move on...

counting down the days to a change for the better..

one of the biggest letdown

i have never spoken about the disappointment i felt from this particular person..on and off when i actually think about it i will wonder how can a person be so selfish. as someone who has helped him before i really feel as though i was being taken advantaged..and show no appreciation towards the things i have done.

he definitely take things for granted...and when he found that there is nothing else he cant benefit from me he stopped talking to me.. partly also because he no longer need a friend like me..and he also found new friends. once close friends now become not so closed friends because he found another closer friend.

why can a person be like that..perhaps his definition of friend and my definition is different.

i never wanted to blog about this because its not necessary however i could no longer take it. a release is needed.. i don't understand and it keeps on playing on my mind that i'm bringing this up

but is there anything i can do? obviously nothing much can be done now....

i told myself on and on of not even treating him as a friend. just treat him as a colleague would make me feel better. because with that expectations are lower..

i should take a good lesson from this episode. this is episode 2012.

what's important are the memories...

the car has been sitting with him since last tuesday... do not know why but i just trusted this person ..tht he will help me fix it. its strange but it just happened..

many things happened in the past 1 week... and i found out a lot of things about him too..

ppl come ppl go..whatever left is in our memories.. this is really true.

the last league was gone and forgotten just like that.. which i did not have any sense of remorse. i'm glad it went well... and now its forever gone....

still thinking of the same person of late...not even close or know this person well. the smile kept playing in y  brain